Many people these days as eluded to in my other post misconstrue what love actually is and try to turn it into a physical nature. Well with this particular write up, the focus is going to be in a different area with more or less what is found in everyday levels of interaction. I think we can all agree that both male and females seek someone to love them and want someone to love them. This varies on the situation, because some need more of a comfort zone in essence of not having ever experienced love in the form of family… while others are just seeking that form of love that ties them as a significant other to the opposite sex. When you analyze the conversations of your friends hearing what it is they are looking for in a significant other, generally you see them acting in a different nature than what would allow them to meet such a person. For example, I see a lot of my close friends who in this particular instance are male talk about wanting to meet an exciting outgoing girl who likes to try new things. Well there is nothing wrong with that, but in order to find someone of that nature do you not then think you yourself should be living outside of your core group of friends and getting out into the world a little bit trying new things? Another heavy instance is with some of my female friends, they typically mention how they want someone they can trust who will make them laugh, cuddle with them, and give them all the attention they desire. However, they then in turn go out to parties where substances or just the environment in general is of the highly “social” variety trying to find Mr. Right.
There is a popular tidbit that never seems to go unnoticed and that is the saying that “opposites attract”, which if you go out and look at a lot of couples that seems to be the case in some form or fashion. There are many cases where you can find a light hair color with a dark hair color, a light eye color with a dark eye color, or someone tall with someone much shorter. There are different variations in which we see this, but most times in the real world outside of the media paradise many turn to for examples of how their quest should go… you hardly find opposite lifestyles attracting each other. When this does seem to be the case in my experience I find that one of the people change given the circumstances they face with aging while the other may continue to live in the same fashion. With all of the different options in which someone can express themselves or live on a day to day basis, it seems to be harder and harder for people of differing lifestyles to meet in a natural fashion. With the new Internet craze dating services sprouting out by the hundreds it seems, there can be that chance of opposing personalities mixing due to some core elements of their desires. In reality as mentioned prior everyone wants to be loved by someone and most want someone that they can love.
The last sentence brings me to a different thought, there are many people that want to be loved… but hardly any that seem to truly want to love someone else. In today’s society it seems to be all about number one, which I am sure you can gather means people mostly seek out for themselves. Imagine if we turned the term “survival of the fittest” into a more positive meaning as embracing everyone and building everyone to be great rather than focusing on ourselves and leaving others behind. I think a lot could be achieved if this were the case in everyday living as well as relationships. It is so common to see relationships not working out, people using the dating scene as if it were a dressing room in a clothing store. The idea cannot be in regards of having a different flavor of the week, because if you commit to someone on the lowest of level than totally disregard them in a short span of time… that doesn’t exactly help your case of trustworthiness for the next person you meet. That is one thing that hinders a lot of relationships as well, which is the past of each person involved. When the relationship does reach more than just the standard physical attraction, conversations do tend to come up regarding past actions or relationships. What story is it that you want to share with them, one of truth and success or lies and failure?
When you look back at how it was in High School, you generally had a limited amount of people you could interact with in comparison to college or city living. There were a lot of niche groups that many refer to as cliques who very rarely engaged with others outside of their general group. You can argue that classes tended to mix them together and perhaps social events that schools held, but that stems a lot of the problem. We are talking about High School, yes there have been a lot of marriages that stemmed from their High School sweethearts I will admit. In most cases kids aren’t aware that it isn’t the most opportune time to try and devote the energy toward making a lifelong decision at that particular age in this area. Teenage years as most adults can attest to are the years where the body changes and your mind truly starts to venture beyond the normal scope of dependency. There are many things that are introduced and curiosity likes to come into play more often than not. It is the time where you have many decisions to make that could shape the rest of your life and if you aren’t careful could cut your independence a bit short. This brings me back to the love “game”, many teens feel that it is of utmost importance to garner some sort of experience and try to play different emotions in order to find love. The problem is that as mentioned before there are plenty of other topics and ideals that come into the minds of their peers that may or may not make them suitable for each other. If you spend time around teenagers it seems as if there is always a conflict involving something that could stem from a relational issue, because so and so likes the same person or so and so broke up with someone. Life is going to go on and it is unfortunate that while in this experience most kids don’t know the lack of importance it all has until it is far too late. I guess it is all part of learning and growing up, but there are a lot of mistakes that get made over the dumbest things that in effect damage the lives of some before they can move on. There are some that get involved with drugs, alcohol, or sex solely because the person they like experiences with it or others say it’s “cool”. This has lead to a lot of mental issues, deaths, or unwanted circumstances such as lifelong diseases or children that they really were not yet quite ready for. These types of things hurt more than just the people involved, but also the people around them in a negative fashion. Young people have to be careful more so now than ever before because of all the traps they can get caught in. The people that surround them also should take a more active role in displaying the importance of their decisions and try to translate a positive example for them to follow. If teens could shut out the influence of “needing” relationships that gets shoved down their throat through the media they engulf themselves with, than they could realize those years are more for investing in their growth as a person for the years to come.
The college experience is quite the trip because depending on where you go, there can be a lot of new factors introduced that never were visible before. The sheer diversity in general in more than the standard way could overwhelm anyone entering a big University. When I say diversity in this case I don’t just mean race, but the full scope of varying personalities, lifestyles, religions, looks (body types), mindsets, languages and goals of people. With all of these obstacles presented it would be very hard to find someone of your own personal taste unless you proceeded to act in accordance to what you were looking for. Some people enter this type of experience with the goal in mind to find someone to spend the rest of their life with, while also trying to obtain the degree that will help them take the next step in becoming who they want. There are also a lot of distractions that can take place within this experience much like the younger High School experience to throw away these opportunities and goals. I met a lot of people that felt college was pretty much High School version two and just didn’t last when it came to the academics hence ruining there chance to meet someone of interest. There were also a lot of people who fell into the many traps that were presented while trying to maintain a relationship when they entered college. This sadly ruined quite a few of the relationships that were of success prior to the college experience. Again, a lot of the reason this sort of thing happened was because they were looking out for themselves seeking enjoyment, which in turn disabled them from receiving or giving love in the appropriate manner. Now there are also the cases of experimenting and growing that come into fruition within the college experience, because that is where in most cases you are truly on your own for the first time. With that being a common factor that is when a lot of people seek the “love” that has been mentioned to fill that gap of what they are missing from being around family. I’ve seen this self destruct a lot of people purely because they felt that they needed a particular form of acceptance beyond friendship and didn’t focus on the goals that lied ahead outside of relationship endeavors. It is just sad to see the sheer want of “love” these days effecting so many individuals for the worse and mostly in part because they don’t know the true meaning of what love actually is.
It is common practice for people to want things they cannot have, but who is to say you cannot find the type of person you want? If you put yourself into the correct situations and proper channels it is by all means possible if you allow it to be. If you have the mindset of finding a particular type of person and it is of importance in your life to do so, than you indeed have the ability to make that come true. You can’t expect that person to just come walking into your life like this is some fairy tale, there is always something that is required of you to do in order for that to happen. There will be a choice or a circumstance that will place you in the right situation to encounter such a person if you choose to be proactive. The key thing is to be positive and focus on bettering yourself before trying to find someone to bring into your life. If you don’t have a full grasp on who you are yourself, than how do you expect the person you wish to love you to get to know who you really are and understand you? If you want someone who you can trust and spend the rest of your life with, than you must also be that type of person. When you see people crying over or converse with those who have been cheated on, let that serve as a lesson not to ever be that sort of person who develops that form of hurt. There are people who want someone respectable, successful, trustworthy, and motivated… but then turn to some of the worst places to find that sort of person. I assure you the odds of finding that type of person are very slim within a bar, the typical recreational party, and entertainment venues. There are just too many influences that present themselves in those environments to truly know who the person is and how can you expect them to be different than how they act there? Plus if you are socializing in a manner with someone that is of intense emotion who is currently in a relationship or kind of on the fence of one, chances are they will maintain that sort of action with you. Don’t think that you can completely change someone, if there is something significantly off about someone that isn’t what you would like to have in a person as a significant other just move on right away. It is better off to be friends than to invest further with someone you may feel it won’t work out with long term. Try not to convince yourself into giving things a try if you have yet to do so, because chances are the relationship will end badly because you will always carry those doubts with you.
If you are in High School my advice would be to stay clear of any sort of predicament until you are sure of your future plans whether they be college or the workforce. There isn’t anything to gain from trying to garner a true love relationship while being so young with much a head of you. It is more important to discover who it is that you are and what you want to become rather than trying to find that in someone else. The people in college I would suggest sculpting yourself fully as well before attempting to jump in. Live the lifestyle that you would expect the person you want to share yours with to live. Have the same respect for yourself as you would want them to show you. Make yourself aware that you as well have to make sacrifices for the person you want making sacrifices for you. The love “game” is more out of control with different rules and stipulations than ever before. With everyone wanting to be loved there needs to be more that want to share love. I suggest you become familiar with successful ways to express yourself and share yourself before expecting someone else to figure them out for you. Take materials and physicality out of your definition of love because love is more of an emotion than an action. You can express and show love at times sure, but to always maintain love in your heart and mind is a totally different story. There needs to be a new upbringing and awareness to how things once were and should yet become. Just go back in time and look at how different relationships were over the course of varying years. Many argue how the general culture has changed and blah blah blah, but obviously it has changed for the worse in regards to the survival of relationships. There are plenty more things that could be observed or touched on, but just analyze yourself and your surroundings I bet it will tell you much more than you may expect. We all can achieve and find what it is we are looking for if we do the right things to develop that particular goal.
Relationships are meant to be taken seriously, so whenever it is you do decide to enter one treat it in such a manner rather than simply just a “game”. Games are generally about who wins and who loses, relationships are meant for both sides to win. If you want an error free guide on how to conduct yourself, view relationships, and define love… feel free to open up the Holy Bible. There are a some quality examples of truths that will unlock the door you may have been struggling to open, which will shed a light of answers upon your many questions or doubts.
Mind Matter 